Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
