Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm always down for nudity.
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