When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
