Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
