Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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