There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
