hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
