Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
