dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
