Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
