cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
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