the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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