Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
