so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
