I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
