it wasn't lemon gatorade
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
