OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
