we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
