Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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