Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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