i was born a porn star she said
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dicks are not precious.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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