you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
