just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
