Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
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is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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