Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
