Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
