Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
