you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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