In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
