ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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