do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
