thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
