I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
