I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
