Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
