Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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