textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize