Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
