Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
