I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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