Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
