Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
