We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
