i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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