He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Im part way to drunk.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
