Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
