im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
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I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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