Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
