I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
