What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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