you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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