So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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