i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
