his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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