I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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