Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
