Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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