i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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