I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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