i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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