How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
