Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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