Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in

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(480): View more from Arizona

There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone

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(360): View more from Washington

Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.

(1-360): View more from Washington

You win. Erica always eats cat food.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"

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(203): View more from Connecticut

she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.

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(719): View more from Colorado

Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it

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(435): View more from Utah

I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person

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