cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
