I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
