so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
