that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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