One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
